love

R.E.M. and the Gottmans’ Four Horsemen

By Spencer Northey / June 15, 2021

It’s the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine) Recorded 1987 By Bill Berry, Peter Buck, Mike Mills, and Michal Stipe Performed by REM World serves its own needs, listen to your heart bleed Tell me with the rapture and the reverent in the right, right You vitriolic, patriotic, slam,…

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Marvin Gaye, Antiracism, and Therapeutic Differentiation

By Spencer Northey / May 27, 2021

What’s Going On By Al Cleveland, Renaldo Benson, and Marvin Gaye You know we’ve got to find a way To bring some lovin’ here today  (full lyrics at the end of this post) In 1971 Marvin Gaye released the hauntingly beautiful song “What’s Going On” in response to the police brutality, inequality, and suffering he…

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Bebe Rexha and Heartbreak

By Spencer Northey / May 18, 2021

I’m a Mess By Bebe Rexha, Justin Tranter, Meridith Brooks, Shelly Peiken I’m a mess, I’m a loser I’m a hater, I’m a user I’m a mess for your love, it ain’t new I’m obsessed, I’m embarrassed I don’t trust no one around us I’m a mess for your love, it ain’t new  (see full…

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Coat of Many Colors

By Spencer Northey / May 7, 2021

Coat of Many Colors Written and Sung by Dolly Parton My coat of many colors That my momma made for me Made only from rags But I wore it so proudly (see full lyrics at the end of this post) This song tells a beautiful story of a mom’s differentiation, and how it supported her…

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One Step at a Time

By Spencer Northey / April 27, 2021

One Step at a Time Sung by Jordin Sparks Written by Robbie Nevil, Lauren Evans, Jonas Jeberg and Mich Hansen We live and we learn To take one step at a time There’s no need to rush It’s like learning to fly Or falling in love (Just falling in love) It’s gonna happen when it’s supposed to happen Then…

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Take Yo’ Praise

By Spencer Northey / April 21, 2021

Take Yo’ Praise by Camile Yarbrough We’ve come a long long way together Through the hard times and the good I have to celebrate you baby I have to praise you like I should  Vingette: Sean and Selena have been together for about 7 years, they are working through surviving the pandemic and raising a…

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Our Souls at Night

By Elisabeth LaMotte / April 12, 2021

Committed relationships often feel complicated, as any couples therapist will acknowledge. But falling in love often feels simple. Clear and inspiring, liberating and pure. Kent Haruf captures the purity and ease of burgeoning romantic feelings in his final novel, Our Souls at Night. The novel is a quick, engaging read that explores the magic of…

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Machines Like Me

By Elisabeth LaMotte / November 25, 2019

The impact of technology on relationships is a recurring theme in therapy. Our collective addiction to screens is a constant distraction and barrier to intimacy. Couples routinely fight about how much time their significant other spends looking at a phone or checking social media or excessively streaming. But technology also brings people together, whether through…

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The Leisure Seeker

By Elisabeth LaMotte / November 20, 2018

Research demonstrates that engaged and newly married couples that watch films together about marriage and discuss the films afterwards are able to lower the likelihood of divorce to an extent that is as effective as participating in short-term couples therapy. Most films about marriage focus on the entertaining romantic tension that builds until a couple…

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What Small Habits Make a BIG Difference in a Romantic Relationship?

By Elisabeth LaMotte / November 1, 2018

When Huffington Post Relationships reached out to ask what small habits actually make a big difference in romantic relationships, Spencer Northey LMFT and Elisabeth LaMotte LICSW both chimed in with ideas. Spencer: Lingering Kisses “Make and effort to lengthen your hello and goodbye kisses to last for at least 6 seconds. Relationship guru John Gottman…

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