The Beatles, “Hold me Tight,” and Emotion-Focused Therapy
This post is about both Hold Me Tight by the Beatles, one of their least favorite, but still famous songs AND the groundbreaking couple therapy book Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson. (Note: I chose to post the cover from the movie Across the Universe because the sound and video quality is better than the grainy Beatles recordings. Also it shows some relatable depictions of young love.)
Lyric Sample:
It feels so right now
Hold me tight
Tell me I’m the only one
And then I might
Never be the lonely one
One of the most important reflections in Dr. Johnson’s book, and the therapy method she developed, Emotion Focused Therapy (EFT), is that considering attachment is key when healing or maintaining a relationship. She rejects the idea that we can keep each other at arm’s length and rationally negotiate about complex matters of the heart. Interestingly, the lyrics in this Beatles song are theoretically spot on. They mirror the vulnerability and the neediness explored as a centerpiece of EFT.
Hold Me Tight the book, as well as Dr. Johnson’s other books, papers, and recordings are essential tools that I often recommend to therapy clients working to improve their relationships. The book begins with an overview about how love and attachment work. With this in mind, it chronicles how our insecurities related to attachment create cycles of conflict. She uses dramatic language to share her wisdom, such as calling problematic communication patterns “demon dialogues.” With awareness about how our reactivity and fears become barriers to intimacy, Dr. Johnson then guides readers through a discussion about leaning into our vulnerabilities and needs in order to give and receive more meaningful connection.
I’m not sure what to make of how Beatles reviewers, and even Lennon and McCartney themselves, were not fans of this song. But I guess this goes along with my theory that some of the best songs ever written ironically give terrible relationship advice. With this song, perhaps the opposite is true: Maybe it’s not the best song, but the lyrics frame a respected psychological theory and communicate some important concepts about intimacy and connection.
Hold Me Tight
By John Lennon and Paul McCartney
It feels so right now
Hold me tight
Tell me I’m the only one
And then I might
Never be the lonely one
It feels so right now
Hold me tight
Tell me I’m the only one
And then I might
Never be the lonely one
So hold (hold) me tight (me tight)
Tonight (tonight), tonight (tonight)
It’s you
You, you, you
Hold me tight
Let me go on loving you
Tonight, tonight
Making love to only you
So hold (hold) me tight (me tight)
Tonight (tonight), tonight (tonight)
It’s you
You, you, you
Don’t know
What it means to hold you tight
Being here alone tonight with you
It feels so right now
Hold me tight
Tell me I’m the only one
And then I might
Never be the lonely one
So hold (hold) me tight (me tight)
A-tonight (tonight), tonight (tonight)
It’s you
You, you, you
Don’t know
What it means to hold you tight
Being here alone tonight with you
It feels so right now
Hold me tight
Let me go on loving you
Tonight, tonight
Making love to only you
So hold (hold) a-me tight (me tight)
Tonight (tonight), tonight (tonight)
It’s you
You, you, you
