She Loves Control

She Loves Control

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Camila Cabello
Cold, ’cause she has been here before
She doesn’t cry anymore, no looking back
No, she doesn’t go to the bar
Too many lovers she scarred
And they want her back

She loves control, she wants it her wayAnd there’s no way she’ll ever stay unless you give it up
She loves control, she wants it her way
And all it takes is just one taste, you wanna give it up

Bold, you know she lives for the thrill
You know she lusts for the kill
So they won’t come back
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
Don’t, don’t you try taming the storm
Don’t say you haven’t been warned
‘Cause she won’t like that, like that

‘Cause she loves control, she wants it her way
And there’s no way she’ll ever stay unless you give it up
She loves control, she wants it her way
And all it takes is just one taste, you wanna give it up
She loves control
She loves control

Dear Ensorcelled,

Okay, first we need to know more about this love for control and how it manifests.

How self-aware is she about her love for control? Is this piece of her identity and sensuality that she has thoroughly explored and is aware of? Does she recognize how her love for control may affect others and how she can express it in a way that is empathetic and connected in a relationship? Is she looking for a D/S (dominate/submissive) relationship in which she and a willing partner agree clearly about expectations and boundaries for her to act out her love for control? If so, and you have a tendency to enjoy giving up control to the hands of a partner you can trust, it sounds like you two could have a passionate and fulfilling relationship. Disregard my guidance below and go play.

Now lets consider the dark side of being in a relationship with someone who loves control. Often the need to control is a learned reaction to a history of being in painful or out of control situations. People who are unaware or in denial of the pain they have experienced risk hurting others, even, and especially, people they care about. What may initially present as confidence or knowing what she wants could be masking self-esteem and distress tolerance issues. This may become a person difficult to ever satisfy. Pay attention to the rigidity with which she asserts herself. People who are genuinely confident and well meaning in their “controlling” tendencies will be bold in their leadership, but will allow for feedback and collaboration when it is presented to them. If there is a reaction to not being in control such as criticism, a shut down, or a strong emotional reaction, the need for control may be masking a deeper mental health issue. It may be helpful to get some intel on the “lovers she’s scarred.” If there is a pattern of them feeling manipulated, then you may be next.

To Be Continued,

Spencer

Spencer Northey

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