Selena Gomez and how to Kill ’em with Loving Kindness
Kill em with Kindness
Performed by Selena Gomez
Written by Antonina Armato, Tim James, Benjamin Levin, Dave Audé, Selena Gomez
Key Lyrics:
Kill ‘em with kindness
Kill ‘em with kindness
Kill ‘em, kill ‘em, kill ‘em with kindness
Kill ‘em with kindness
Kill ‘em with kindness
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead now
Spencer’s Reflection:
It’s time to make your holiday list
Of people to kill
With kindness.
I think the holidays, especially, either bring up or reinforce the need to develop our skills dealing with people we find to be difficult. Especially as we think about how to best connect with family and community members who may have different, sometimes wildly conflicting views and personalities.
After a few sessions with clients processing interpersonal dynamics like this, I found myself listening to this song in a much deeper way.
I had wondered why the chorus was so repetitive. I was like, okay we get it: “kill ‘em with kindness, kill ‘em with kindness, kill ‘em, kill ‘em…”
…OMG it’s a mantra!
In its upbeat, slightly dark, but ultimately pro-social way, “Kill ‘em with Kindness” is totally a mindfulness practice and dealing with interpersonal challenges preparation tool.
There is some debate about whether or not a pop song like this is appropriate to use in meditation, but I appreciate what Julianna Raye had to say, breaking the myth that you should only meditate to certain types of music, aka not Top 40 Pop:
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-9117/the-3-biggest-myths-about-meditation-music.html
I guess for critics of meditating this way, we can say: “Kill ‘em with kindness, etc.”
In addition to this offering, I thought it might be helpful to review some more conventional wisdom on loving-kindness meditations. As a relationship therapist, there is plenty of guidance I can give to improve your communication and connection with others, but it really has to start with a loving and open heart.
If you are done reading and just want to try a quick loving kindness meditation here is a nice 5- minute practice:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syKqFFd1Rm0
If you would like to read further, here are 3 articles I found helpful:
Below is an article by Jon Kabat-Zinn, a renowned expert in modern meditation. In this article (which you can also listen to following the recording in this link), he writes beautifully about the purpose and experience of a loving kindness practice.
https://www.mindful.org/this-loving-kindness-meditation-is-a-radical-act-of-love/
In this article the author writes a little more succinctly, but still very helpfully about how to start a loving kindness practice:
https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-practice-loving-kindness-meditation-3144786
Finally, below is a comprehensive overview, well supported with research citations, about the benefits of a loving kindness practice. It also includes some basic guidance on various ways to start or continue such a practice. Including how to start with just 2 minutes a day!
I love the take-home message:
“With meditation, we gain the power to train our mind and tame the negative thoughts that bring us down. Meditation does involve some training and practice, but the purest and most authentic quality of any meditative practice is felt on the inside. Love and compassion are embedded in all traditions and exercises, and together, they contribute to ultimate happiness and well-being.”
https://positivepsychology.com/loving-kindness-meditation/
Full Song Lyrics:
Kill em with Kindness
Performed by Selena Gomez
Written by Antonina Armato, Tim James, Benjamin Levin, Dave Audé, Selena Gomez
The world can be a nasty place
You know it, I know it, yeah
We don’t have to fall from grace
Put down the weapons you fight with
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em, kill ’em, kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead now
We’re running out of time
Chasing our lies
Everyday a small piece of you dies
Always somebody
You’re willing to fight, to be right
Your lies are bullets
Your mouth’s a gun
And no war and anger
Was ever won
Put out the fire before igniting
Next time you’re fighting
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em, kill ’em, kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead now
Go ahead, go ahead now
Go ahead, go ahead now
Your lies are bullets
Your mouth’s a gun
No war and anger
Was ever won
Put out the fire before igniting
Next time you’re fighting
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em, kill ’em, kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Kill ’em with kindness
Go ahead, go ahead, go ahead now
Go ahead, go ahead now
Go ahead, go ahead now
Go ahead, go ahead now
