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Somebody That I Used to Know

Somebody That I Used to Know

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Somebody That I Used to KnowGotye featuring Kimbra

Male:
Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it’s an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

Female:
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I’d done
But I don’t wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn’t catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

Males:
But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No, you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Somebody (I used to know)
(Somebody) Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
Somebody (I used to know)
(Somebody) Now you’re just somebody that I used to know
I used to know, that I used to know, I used to know somebody

Dear Somebody That I Used to Know,

I’m curious whether you want to consider your ex’s perspective, or you just want her to hear how she hurt you. When we are hurt, we often go into selfish mode and privilege the sound of our own voices and perspectives, but listening to perspectives outside our own may be the path to healing and personal growth. It seems that for her, connecting with you was simply too painful. I wonder if the indecision I am hearing in your words was tough to ride out both for her and for you.

In your well-sung words, I hear that you are “glad it was over,’” yet it seems important to you that she stay connected. What is the need to stay connected about for you? She may feel that your desire to remain connected is more about control rather than affection. What has it meant for you that you two no longer have influence over each other in the way you used to? And what does it mean that she would rather move forward without you?

It’s tough when people leave without a full explanation. Sometimes when we are left wondering why, the worst of our own self-loathing fills in the blanks. If you believe there were some things about your character that pushed her away then it may be worth a closer examination and possible effort to change. If you feel you gave your best to this relationship, there is nothing to worry about and you can let go. It sounds like this relationship was not healthy or enjoyable for either of you, so ending it can make way for happier connections. You phrase it beautifully – you truly can “get addicted to a certain kind of sadness,” but that’s an addiction worth breaking.

It’s painful to lose someone, so you don’t have to let go quickly if it is helpful to feel your feelings. If you are letting go slowly, please keep in mind that she may need to move at a different pace. She is entitled to heal and move forward in a way that works best for her. You are two different people, and there’s no award given to the person who grieves a romance at the fastest pace.

I would focus on the relief that the pain you describe both in this relationship and now that it is over . Not as a slight to her, but as an empowerment for yourself. What doors does this open for you now?

Just because she is acting like you “never happened” to her doesn’t mean the significance of this relationship is diminished. You can chose to still cherish the memories and what you learned and experienced as long as you are not engaging in unrealistic expectations for the present or future. In fact, it is brave to admit feelings and connection in spite of the other person rejecting them, as long as you are not forcing your feelings on the other party. These feelings can help you maintain connection to your authentic self and character.

To be continued,
Spencer
spencer@dccounselingcenter.com

Spencer Northey

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