Why Are So Many Of Us Obsessed with All Too Well Taylor’s Version?
It’s important to address how lack of closure after any length of time can leave us struggling to get over a relationship for longer than we might, had there been a clear and satisfying end. Lack of closure seems to happen more often with short-term relationships because our culture seems to think there should be a positive correlation with time spent together and level of explanation and closure you should have with a breakup. But our brains don’t necessarily agree with that. Our brains are wired to seek closure. The Zeigarnik Effect, first studied in 1922, and later reviewed further in Dr. John Gottman’s book The Science of Trust, explored our brain’s tendency to remember unfinished business better than something put to rest. When we don’t get closure we feel a bit crazy because our brains are kind of short-circuiting, desperate for a conclusion. It’s why stories with cliff-hangers and ambiguous endings stick with us longer, our brain is desperate to complete the narrative. This is why ghosting is so abusive. You are actually messing with that person’s psychological need for closure. Anytime you share a deep experience, a day, or 3 months, the brain jazzes up to start wondering what happens next. If the brain doesn’t get to know what happens next, it’s harder to stop thinking about it.
Quick Reference: https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-makes-love-last-the-zeigarnik-effect/
But, honestly, if someone is really still hung up on any relationship after 10 years it’s time to look deeper to figure out the personal blocks to letting go. If that person didn’t give you closure, it’s time to find a way to give closure to yourself.
But I’m looking Taylor Swift’s recent performances from an artistic perspective, and I’m loving every minute of it. Taylor Swift is milking the inspiration for all its worth, and good for her.
In our less artistic-performance-oriented real lives we need to be mindful and realistic with our interpersonal attachments. We need to be careful not to cross the boundary of expecting more from a person than they want to give in real life. But when it comes to inspiration in the arts, I think all is fair. I guess I am saying this as someone who has never had an album written about them. I’m not exactly sure how that feels. But I would like to think that if someone did write an album about me and continue to produce art about me way after the expiration date of our relationship, I would NOT assume they were still in love with me. I would figure I represented something for them or brought something out in them that helps them continue to express feelings and thoughts that need to be heard. I hope I would be cool with that.
