“Heavy” and Suicide Prevention Awareness Month
This is a heavy post. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness month so it’s time to post it. “Heavy” was actually my very first blog inspiration. It just so happened that this song popped up in a random Spotify mix right after a session. As I heard the lyrics for the first time, they echoed the words shared by my client only moments before. It reminded me how songs are so full of therapeutic content. I thought about my response to my client and what my response would be to the singers in this song. After drafting my blog response to the song, considering the words and experience of my client, I realized that the person who wrote this song was no longer with us. Chester Bennington, the writer and singer in this song, died by suicide a year before in 2017. My client was able to work through the experiences expressed in this song and the graduated therapy thriving. However, the writer of this song was unable to do that.
Lyric Sample:
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
So my blog started in 2018, in September, with a different post, avoiding the topic of suicide. So you can see how even psychotherapists find it hard to talk about suicide.
But talking about suicide in an attempt to prevent it, does actually help prevent suicide. As therapists, we are trained to frequently monitor and ask directly about suicidal ideation with clients who are demonstrating symptoms of anxiety and depression, or basically anyone experiencing stress. We are encouraged to safety-plan with our clients. We “contract” with clients that they will not harm themselves. A significant number of clients have told me over the years that the piece of paper we signed committing to a plan to prevent harm has been their lifeline. Developing the ability to acknowledge these feelings and deeply process them can prevent the impulse to act on them.
One of the most powerful interventions for suicide that I witnessed as a very new therapist was when I called in a supervisor for backup. She came in to talk to a young adult male who was feeling desperate and hopeless. He wondered why people who want to die shouldn’t just be allowed to die. I didn’t have the words to respond, but her wise words went something like this:
“I agree with you. I believe you should be able to die on your own terms: If you are terminally ill. But you’re not. Depression is episodic, and you will feel better eventually. So we can’t let you die just because it’s hard right now.”
After hearing that he agreed to go to the hospital to stabilize.
This is the stance I now take with my own clients when need be. Mental health issues are tough, but they never have to be a terminal illness. We can get through them. Help is always around if there is a willingness to reach out and seek comfort and guidance during the most difficult, frightening times. You can turn to supportive friends and family if you have a system to support you. If you haven’t found that system yet, professional help is completely worth it. You can even call a hotline 24/7: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/.
If you are feeling low and considering hurting yourself, I want you to reach out for help. Remember that you are never completely alone. (Yes, you may feel and even actually be alone now, but the way humans-as-social-animals works is that anyone needing connection and support will eventually find it). And the pain will pass. No one feels emotionally miserable forever, that’s not how human emotions work. You will feel better and find a meaning to your suffering eventually.
Here are some more resources for support and suicide prevention:
More on Suicide Prevention Awareness Month:
https://www.nami.org/get-involved/awareness-events/suicide-prevention-awareness-month
More on Connection to a Community to Prevent Suicide:
More General Suicide Prevention Resources:
https://www.sprc.org/effective-suicide-prevention
More on Basic Statistics and Warning Signs:
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/suicide-prevention
https://www.cdc.gov/suicide/index.html
Fully Lyrics:
Heavy
Performed by Linkin Park, featuring Kiiara
Written by Chester Bennington, Brad Delson, Mike Shinoda, Justin Trantor, and Julia Cavazos
Male:
I don’t like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there’s comfort in the panic
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Yeah, I drive myself crazy
‘Cause I can’t escape the gravity
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Female:
You say that I’m paranoid
But I’m pretty sure the world is out to get me
It’s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I’m holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Both:
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
I know I’m not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning ’round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything’s about me
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Holding on
So much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what’s bringing me down
If I just let go, I’d be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?
Why is everything so heavy?
