The Bones
The Bones
Sung by Maren Morris
Written by Maren Morris, Jimmy Robbins, and Laura Veltz
When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain ’cause you and I remain the same
When there ain’t a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we’re facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don’t fall when the bones are good
(see full lyrics below)
I found this blog drafted among the scattered “bones” of what I’ll call my blog junkyard: blogs started and left unfinished because – life. I wrote it in a haze about a month after things shut down in spring 2020. I was in a feelings cocktail of devastation and desperate hope when I thought about the state of relationships.
Honestly, I couldn’t bring myself to post this close to the time I wrote it. I wasn’t clearheaded enough to process what I was writing. It was too painful. I had no idea what was in store for the world, my clients, and for my own family.
I think it’s worth posting now to reflect on how far we’ve come. This song in the context of the past year still fills me with emotion.
As you reflect on your own relationship “house,” how are the “bones?”
How were they before this pandemic?
How has the pandemic changed the structure and interior of your relationship?
What is good?
What needs to be rebuilt?
For more on the Gottman “Sound Relationship House” theory, which outlines a strong structure for healthy and happy relationships:
April 18, 2020
Listening to this song today, over a month into the COVID 19 crisis, brought me to tears a little thinking about many of the couples that I work with. The glass has shattered for all of us. In fact, I’m a little disappointed with the music video for this song which just depicts Maren Morris on vacation with her husband in Hawaii…But how could they have known where our lives would be less than a year from this video and what this song might mean? Without seeing the video first, I pictured actual glass shattering and a storm overtaking a house. Really visualizing the metaphor.
I imagine when couples took their vows, “for better or worse,” they couldn’t have imagined the storm we are facing at this time. Likely imagining, as the video does, singing about hardship while canoodling on vacation.
Since many of the couples I see are young and relatively at the beginning of their lives together. This past month may have been one of the harder times in their lives that they have faced together – at least outside forces-wise.
I have been amazed by how many of my clients have come together as a team. Many struggling to take care of young kids and work from home together – but somehow not together while they try to focus on their jobs.
For many of my couples, we have found that the bones are good and that this crisis is the ultimate test of that.
For some, it’s resolving the “we don’t have enough time together problem,” for others, it’s forcing them to practice greater emotional maturity. For some extremely busy couples with young kids this time has become almost like a long-distance relationship where they high five and text affirmations in between work meetings and child distance learning classes.
As we get through this crisis one day at a time, it is important to take moments of gratitude for the good bones of your relationship.
One Year Later, 2021
As I re-read this and re-listen to the lyrics, spring brightens around us and summer comes into view. The first verse lyrics really connect, starting with, “we’re in the home stretch of the hard times.” I’m now more connected with the video taking place on a beach. After the storm, we can come ashore and enjoy the sun.
Full Lyrics:
We’re in the homestretch of the hard times
We took a hard left, but we’re alright
Yeah, life sure can try to put love through it, but
We built this right, so nothing’s ever gonna move it
When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain ’cause you and I remain the same
When there ain’t a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we’re facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don’t fall when the bones are good
Call it dumb luck, but baby, you and I
Can’t even mess it up, though we both try
No, it don’t always go the way we planned it
But the wolves came and went and we’re still standing
When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain ’cause you and I remain the same
When there ain’t a crack in the foundation
Baby, I know any storm we’re facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don’t fall when the bones are good
When the bones are good
Bones are good, the rest, the rest don’t matter (baby, it don’t really matter)
Paint could peel, the glass could shatter (oh, the glass, oh, the glass could shatter)
Bones are good, the rest, the rest don’t matter (ooh)
Paint could peel, the glass, the glass could shatter (yeah)
When the bones are good, the rest don’t matter
Yeah, the paint could peel, the glass could shatter
Let it rain (let it rain, let it rain)
‘Cause you and I remain the same (woo)
When there ain’t a crack in the foundation (woo)
Baby, I know any storm we’re facing
Will blow right over while we stay put
The house don’t fall when the bones are good
Yeah, ooh
